Days of Grace
by w.y.back
Summary: Years later, Willow returns briefly to the place that was Sunnydale. A Willow/Tara story set after BtVS Season 7.
1. Chapter 1

**DAYS OF GRACE**

**by: w.y. back**

**  
Disclaimer:** "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and its characters are the creation and property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. I'm just taking them for a short, non-profit spin. The only thing I claim is the story below.

**Distribution:** So long as the credits are intact, feel free to save a personal copy.

**Feedback:** Yes! Please feed the author. =)

**Spoilers:** To be safe, everything.

**Pairing:** Willow/Tara

**Author's Notes: **This story takes place years after the seventh season of BtVS, but any references to Willow as she appeared in the Angel series or in the ongoing Season 8 comics will be pretty vague, if not non-existent. In this story, Willow eventually left the Scoobies (though she kept in touch and often drops by to visit) and traveled pretty widely, returning to the coven in Devon several times. Her last stay there lasted for more than a year.

**Summary:** Years later, Willow returns briefly to the place that was Sunnydale.

**CHAPTER** **ONE**:

Sunnydale was no more. It was worse than a ghost town, because there wasn't even a trace of the town any longer, only a black crater that stretched for miles.

There were no attempts to resurrect it, no misguided bureaucratic efforts to fill in the crater-deep gouge in the earth. The highways that used to pass through Sunnydale were simply rerouted. Maps were redrawn to reflect the new roads. It was as if everyone sensed, this time around, that it was better to stay away.

People began to forget that there used to be a place called Sunnydale. Only a clear hard look at the lay of the land might reveal the outline of a road that branched off strangely from the current route and seemed to lead to nowhere.

That is, unless you used to live in Sunnydale. Or you were actually looking for it.

A lone car, which used to be red but was now gray-white with dust, turned from the highway and followed the near-invisible road. Although it was slow, it never faltered from its chosen route. After several minutes, it came to a stop.

A door popped open, and a slim woman in her late twenties emerged, dressed in a loose blouse and dark jeans. The wind came up and tossed her long, red hair. She ignored it, and walked forward purposefully ... until she was standing at the edge of the gaping maw that used to be Sunnydale.

Showing no fear of the deep black pit, she planted her feet firmly on the stony ground. She closed her eyes and lifted her face to the sky. With hands outstretched, she began to speak.

_Oh Goddess  
There is great sadness  
A cherished one has gone_

The wind blew again, stirring dust. This time when it parted, it revealed another girl in shirt, jacket and jeans. She was younger and taller, her long dark hair flowing past her shoulders. She stopped in her tracks, surprised that there was someone else. She hitched her backpack across her shoulders uncertainly. When she recognized the figure ahead, she briefly warred with an impulse to leave. _Why should I_, she thought resentfully.

_Emptiness engulfs me  
Loss languishes within  
Help me bear this grief_

The redheaded woman continued to chant softly, but her words, and the heartfelt ache in them, carried easily across the pervading silence.

_Accompany their spirit  
Comfort we who grieve  
Let us rejoice in their life_

The newcomer approached reluctantly. However annoyed she was at this turn of events, she was still drawn by the ritual. Like the woman, she had also had friends and family who'd never left Sunnydale. She bowed her head respectfully.

_May their essence be recorded  
In the Great Book of Shadows  
Renew our remembrance with joy._

The woman opened her shimmering green eyes and gazed at the torn land below. "Hey, baby," she called out gently. "I'm sorry it took so long for me to visit. I was away, had to finish some things. I even wrote a book, would you believe it? Remember how we always said some of the old stuff could use an update? Well, I tried. I wish I could show it you ..." She took a deep breath. "I still miss you, but you probably know that. Rest well. Be at peace."

The girl froze, knowing who those words were addressed to. She looked away, feeling like she was intruding on a private moment.

By the time she looked back, Willow had stepped away from the edge of the crater and was facing her. "Hi, Dawnie," the hacker/witch greeted warmly.

But the girl wasn't ready to forgive her, not yet. "I thought you were in England," she said stiffly.

"I just got back. Stepped off a plane two days ago and everything."

"That stuff you were chanting, it was ... nice," Dawn admitted stiltedly. "What was it?"

"It's called the Prayer of Passage," Willow replied. "I thought Tara would like it."

"I guess." The younger girl fiddled with her backpack. "You do this often?"

"Whenever I get the chance."

"I didn't see you last year." Now her tone was accusing.

Willow shook her head. She knew that Dawn was referring to the yearly trek the Scoobies made to Sunnydale, but she'd been in England by then. "I came earlier. I don't go on set days, just whenever I can, or when it feels like I should."

"Why?"

That earned a raised eyebrow. "Why?" the witch repeated.

"Yeah," the girl insisted, "why? I know why Buffy, Xander and I go. Anya, Tara and Mom," her voice broke a bit, "and our old house, they're all under there somewhere. But you? I thought this was all the past to you. Part of what you left behind."

"Dawn." Willow's tone was incredulous. "Tara's grave is here, and yes, Joyce's and Anya's too. You're really surprised that I'd drop by and say hello?"

The brunette looked away. "I guess not."

The hacker stared at her for a second. Then she sighed. "Okay, this is just silly. For awhile now – and by awhile I mean years – you've been angry with me. I'll be the first to say you've got reason. I nearly got you killed once, and then I went for you when I was all dark eyes. But when I came back from England the first time, I thought we were okay. Then you went all stony cold again after we fought the First. Are you ever going to tell me what I did to piss you off?"

For a second, Dawn was again tempted to simply take off. Just leave without answering. Then she muttered, "Kennedy."

The woman's eyes went wide. "You like Kennedy?!"

"NO! No no no – a world of no's!" was the horrified, vehement denial. "But **you** do!"

"And this is news to you?" Willow asked, confused. "I know I haven't been around much, but it has been a few years since Kennedy and I got together, not to mention ..."

"You mean, since you left us for her!" Dawn cut her off. She squared her shoulders, finally free to make the accusation. "I actually believed it, you know, all that bull about us being a family ... until you left to move into one of Kennedy's houses with its two dozen wings! We see Faith more than you."

"The house in the Hamptons doesn't have wings," the hacker denied defensively. _Oh nice going, Rosenberg. Completely fell into that one. _ "And Faith comes around whenever she needs to lie low. I didn't leave because of Kennedy. That was so totally not the point."

"Oh really?" The younger girl crossed her arms over her chest. "So why did you leave?"

"Well because ..." Willow paused, frowning. "Fine, so Kennedy was partly the point," she conceded reluctantly, "but it had nothing to do with the fact that her house has wings!" Like her, the revelation of how rich Kennedy's family was had thrown Buffy and the other Scoobies for awhile. Except for Giles, of course; as a Watcher he'd known already. "Look, if we're going to talk about this, can we at least sit down? I have a nice thermos of extra warm mocha in the car. Speaking of which, how'd you get here?"

Now it was brunette's turn to look uncomfortable. "I ... rode the bus."

"The bus doesn't pass through here. Former Hellmouth apparently not a tourist destination. That's why I rented a car."

_Of course she'd check first,_ Dawn groaned inwardly. She'd forgotten how organized the witch could was busted. "Well, the bus stops at the next town. From there, I sort of ... hitchhiked."

"And Buffy's okay with this?" Willow asked in disbelief.

"She ... doesn't know I'm here."

For a second, the woman just stared at her. Then she laughed. "Oh Goddess, some things never change! Come on, I'll call Buffy and tell her you're with me. Let's get some food. How do you feel about diner food? I think I passed one on the way here. I haven't eaten at a diner in ages."

Dawn followed quietly. Although she was in her bare twenties now and about to graduate, Buffy would still have a cow if she thought her younger sister was deliberately putting herself in danger. Since Buffy was finally allowing Dawn to patrol without her (though she still had to be with Xander or one of the new Slayers), that was the last thing the younger woman wanted. Taking off for the former Hellmouth without any precautions? Buffy would have her hide.

So without protesting too much, the girl followed Willow to the car. They found a nice quiet diner in the next town. She let Willow buy her coffee and a sandwich, and graciously waited long enough for the woman to finish her call and the food before continuing to interrogate her.

"So why **did** you leave?"

Willow cradled her coffee. It was really quaint, the way diners served coffee in cups. Too bad they didn't offer mochas. "Kennedy wanted to show me all these new things, new places, and I eventually ran out of reasons not to. Sunnydale was gone, but there're other Hellmouthy places, and you know Kennedy's one of the few Slayers with the resources to go anywhere she's needed. We went everywhere, Europe, the Pacific, lots of little islands. It was a great learning experience because you know me, California girl most of my life. But mainly? I wanted us to have a fair chance," she revealed. "Kennedy knows that Tara will always be a huge part of my life, but to be around everyone who knew Tara ... well, a lot of people were comparing Kennedy to Tara, and not in a favorable way. It wasn't helping. Plus, Buffy's never been too thrilled with Kennedy."

The redhead recalled the times she'd had to referee between her best friend and her girlfriend. It had been very much like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. "I mean, it's not exactly un-understandable. They're both stubborn. They were butting heads from the second Giles brought Kennedy to the house. Which is a pity, because Kennedy really respects Buffy. Just not enough to toe the line and keep her mouth shut. She's not that kind of girl. It's all those take charge Slayer genes."

"She's like Faith," Dawn muttered.

The comparison gave the witch pause. The idea of falling for someone resembling the troublesome Slayer she'd actively disliked for most of her life was ... mental _eww_. "`Course not!" she denied quickly. "Faith's more with the homicidal, and Kennedy doesn't have that many notches on her belt. I think."

Her companion just gave her a look.

Willow sighed. "Dawn, I'm sorry my going hit you hard. I didn't know. By the time I left you were hardly talking to me. I spoke with Buffy and Xander about leaving, and they were fine with it. I don't know if I can explain how difficult it was for Kennedy. She went through a lot to be with me. Bad enough that I turned into Warren the first time she kissed me – yes, that's what really happened back then. I was wracked with guilt because I let her kiss me and you know ... enjoyed it." She bit her lip. "I bought a gun, do you know that? I got the exact model Warren used to shoot Buffy and Tara. I found Kennedy in the garden, and pointed it straight at her."

Dawn stared at her in disbelief. Willow with a _gun_? "What happened?"

"Kennedy." The hacker smiled briefly. "Amy's hex was turning me into Warren. Kennedy kept her head, and her questions led me back to myself, and to Tara ... I ended up on my knees, begging Tara to come back to me. Now, normally a girl screaming for her former lover is, hello, huge 'back off' sign, but Kennedy just kissed me again and helped me shake the hex off. And that was just our first date!" she exclaimed. "How many people do you think would even stick around after a bizarro meltdown like that? The rest you pretty much know."

"Yeah, '... fun in a my-girlfriend-has-a-pierced-tongue kind of way,'" Dawn remembered, making the older woman redden. She fiddled with her coffee. "Guess I can't really hate her then," she said grudgingly.

"Why should you hate her?" Willow asked in surprise. "Those months after we escaped Sunnydale, I thought you were angry at me."

"Not at you. At Kennedy **and** you."

"Oh." The witch turned that over in her head for a few seconds. "Oh."

"I ..." Dawn grimaced. "Okay, this is going to be intensely embarrassing for a few minutes. You and Tara, what you had together? That's what I want for myself one day."

Whatever Willow had been expecting, it wasn't that. "Dawnie, that's sweet. But you're ...?"

"Straight, yes. With what looks like the Summers' bent for falling for the wrong guy. Did Buffy ever pull the cookie dough analogy on you?" she asked wryly. "Never mind. The important thing is I looked up to what you and Tara had. It's not hard to understand why. I mean, my parents divorced, and Riley left Buffy just when I was getting to know him. Xander and Anya – don't get me wrong, I was all for them, but that was pretty much a 'something only they could pull off' scenario. Then there was Buffy and Spike, but that was always, um, complicated. But you and Tara?" Dawn smiled, just thinking about the way things used to be. "You talked, you supported each other, you hardly argued. Which is probably why I had belly rumblings whenever you guys fought. It's just, most of the time the two of you were, I dunno, in synch? There was no doubt that the pair of you were meant to be forever if Tara hadn't ..." she stumbled. "And well ... you guys looked after me."

"Don't get me wrong," she rushed, not wanting Willow to misunderstand. "I wouldn't trade having a sister like Buffy for anything. But she's the Slayer, and sometimes there was no time, and at other times there was a Big Bad to deal with first. Then there were the months she was gone, and when she came back it felt like she didn't want to have anything to do with me." Dawn sighed. Those had been unpleasant times. "I never got that from you and Tara. You never made me feel like I was in the way, even when I **was** in the way. The two of you were always patient, and you made me feel ... loved. Well, except for the time you got addicted and crashed the car. Oh and that other time you threatened to turn me back into a crackling ball of energy."

"Oh well, you know, temporary lapse of evilness," Willow mumbled apologetically as the rush of memories hit her. It was true that she and Tara had taken the lonely teenager under their wing for awhile, not because of any conscious decision, but because the girl seemed to need it. In a way, because of who they were and who they'd been, they'd understood the youngest Summers a bit more in those days than Buffy had. "Dawnie, you know we'll always love you, right? Even if you go all silent treatment on us. Even if you throw rocks. Which I hope you never will, but if you do ..."

"I know." The girl smiled at the beginning babble. It was starting to hit her how much she'd missed the hacker/witch, missed that incredible mind that skipped, hopped and leapt, and the words that struggled to follow. "Tara and you belonged together, and Tara was the most understanding, sweetest person I've ever known. Even when you guys broke up, she was always checking on me. And the day you got back together! Oh that was the best day ever! Then one day I came home, and Tara was sprawled on the floor ..." Her throat tightened, and she couldn't continue.

"Oh Dawn." The redhead's eyes, too, were bright with tears. "Buffy told me, you know. How you stayed with Tara, how they found you huddled in a corner of our room. You were so scared, but you didn't leave her because you didn't want her to be alone. While I - oh Goddess, I was such a fool!" Willow burst out as old recriminations and regrets returned. "All I could see was my anger and my pain! How could I leave her there, even for revenge?"

The redhead took a calming breath. "I always wanted to thank you for that," she continued more quietly. "Next to hurting you guys and trying to destroy the world, I hate thinking about the way I left Tara alone."

"I understood, you know. What you did." Dawn's voice fell to a whisper. "Destroying the world maybe went a little too far, but going after Warren – we were totally supportive, Xander and I. Buffy was the only one who -"

"Buffy was right," Willow interjected.

"Buffy's the Slayer, and for all our sakes, it's good that the line's that clear for her," the younger woman said with uncommon insight. "But I told her I would've done it myself if I could have. And not even Buffy can say that the world's not better off without another wannabe-psychopath."

The hacker shifted in her seat. Even if it was the right thing to do, it would be too weird to argue with Dawn over this, since Willow was the one who'd actually done the deed. "So, you were saying ... me and Kennedy?" she prompted, changing the subject.

The college student found herself playing with the rim of her coffee cup. _More embarrassing stuff._ "A couple of nights before we fought the First, I went to your room. We'd kicked Buffy out and I was feeling guilty and um, scared." She cleared her throat. "I was about to knock when Rona came out of the bathroom. She told me it wasn't a good idea to disturb you. I thought she meant because you were going over the things that Faith wanted. I said I was just going to say hello. That got a laugh and a wink, and something about how Kennedy already beat me to it. I don't know why, but that stunned me," she said. "It shouldn't have. You'd called her your girlfriend, after all. But I guess I was blocking that somehow, telling myself that it wasn't serious. And then ..."

For some reason, Willow had the feeling that a huge megawatt blush was headed her way. _Oh this cannot be good._

"... you moaned. It wasn't like I hadn't heard stuff like that before," Dawn said matter-of-factly, "but this time you cried out Kennedy's name."

Yup, Willow thought, there it was. If she got much redder, her face would probably explode. "Um, er, well ..."

"That's when it sank in. Tara was dead. She had to be, if you were sleeping with someone else. She was never coming back. And you - you were over her. It wasn't fair!" The girl's voice rose. "I know it was months later, but it still felt like it was too soon. You and Tara were supposed to be forever. Doesn't forever merit a year of mourning at least?"

"Sweetie, it's not that simple," Willow tried to explain, taken aback by her vehemence. "A part of me will never stop mourning Tara."

"Not the part that moaned, obviously."

The witch froze as something bordering on anger flashed in her eyes. "Goddess, is this what the silent treatment's been about?" she asked in disbelief. "You think I betrayed Tara by being with Kennedy? Do you honestly think you miss Tara half as much as I do? You have no idea how it feels!"

"You thought it yourself, didn't you?" Dawn asked coldly. "I couldn't believe it, I kept thinking it must be a fluke. This girl was as different from Tara as anyone could be. She's loud and obnoxious and abrasive. She chases after you, and the next thing we know she's in your bed. And for her, you did the one thing you would've never done for Tara – you left us! You and Buffy and Xander were always going on about how the Scoobies are a family, but you left!"

"Dawn, that's not fair!" Willow objected. "Leaving was never something that Tara would've wanted. And trust me, if I had known beforehand that Tara was going to die in that house, I would've taken her far, far away!" She paused, breathing hard. "Tara didn't leave you guys even when we broke up because she thought of you as her family, too. That's not the way it was with Kennedy. She could never be 'family,' because she doesn't get along with you guys much."

"Oh that's right, blame us!" Dawn scoffed. "Why don't you just admit it, Willow? Why don't you just come out and say it? You forgot Tara when Kennedy came along, didn't you?"

"NO!" To both their shock, the usually even-tempered witch slapped her hand on the table, making their cups rattle. "God, how can you say such things? You want me to compare how I felt about them? What I had with them? To put all these messy feelings on a scale and say, 'oh here, there's more in this one than the other?' It doesn't work that way. I didn't stop loving Tara when I was with Kennedy, but I did love Kennedy. I can't compare what I had with the two of them. They were different relationships, because Tara and Kennedy are two very different people."

"What does that even mean?" Dawn asked coldly.

"What I said." Willow threw up her hands in exasperation as the girl continued to look at her suspiciously. "Fine, you want the details? Tara and I, we grew together, as people, as women, as witches. Tara was so shy when she we first met. She used to stutter badly, did you know that? She was so gentle, and with her I was usually the bolder one. She left me free to follow my heart once, and that gave me the freedom and courage to choose her." Despite the situation, the redhead found herself smiling at the memory.

"But by the time you met her, really met her, she wasn't taking grief from anybody, including me. She thought I was using too much magic, and she said so. And when I crossed that line, she left. For Tara, to get her back, and for myself, too, I gave up magic. You see, Tara understood magic. She saw how reckless I was getting, and she was right. Oh how I hurt her, Dawnie." Willow shut her eyes in remembered shame. "And the worst part is, I didn't truly realize that what I did to her was wrong until my magicks hurt you."

Seeing how badly the redhead still felt about something that had happened so many years ago made the younger woman uncomfortable. "Willow, it wasn't that bad." She waved her hand around. "See? Arm's good as new."

The witch smiled wanly at the gesture. "That's not what you said back then." In fact, she'd been roundly slapped by the then-teenager. "Tara came back only when I was magic-free. So if Tara had lived, you're right, we would've been forever, but ..." Here Willow hesitated.

The idea was broached after she'd returned to the coven, when she'd started delving seriously into Wicca. Many of the members of the coven were strongly Wiccan in faith, like Tara had been, and they believed in destiny, purpose, and some of them, in the hidden hand of the Goddess.

_How can you say that?! That's like saying there's a reason for everything, even Tara's death, even the way I almost - _The debate was threatening to turn ugly.

_Tara's death came from one man's hate. Your near-destruction of the world was likewise your choice. But it may be that the Goddess took these things and weaved them into the fabric of the world._

_That's such a - !_

Thankfully, before she could continue, one of the gentlest witches had moved forward to hold her hand. _What took her away, what happened after, was evil, Willow. Human evil. We do not contest that. But sometimes, the Goddess does fashion some good from such evil. _

_What possible good could that be?!_

They had the wisdom not to answer her directly. Althea, a witch her own age and one of her close friends, came forward and placed her hands over Willow's. _Such power in these hands, and such a burden. None of us envy it, nor could any one of us bear it. But you can. Now._

_Admit the possibility, _they'd said_. You believe in logic, don't you? Follow the web to its logical conclusion_.

The coven had insisted that she face the possibility. "Eventually, **maybe**, Tara would've let me start using magic again, but we would've been careful, restrained, and if we had continued like that ... Dawn, I don't know if I would've had the ability to turn the potentials into Slayers when we fought the First."

The admission obviously stunned the girl, but Willow barely let it sink in before continuing. "Kennedy, on the other hand, is very much a Slayer. She's fierce, she's a bit of a brat – which probably explains why the two of you don't get along since no two brats do."

"Hey!" Dawn protested.

"She doesn't let anything stand in her way," the redhead continued. "She's actually smaller than me, while Tara was taller, did you notice that? People rarely do because Kennedy's so tough, so upfront with who she is and what she wants. I wasn't looking for anything back then. I was still so raw inside. But she chased me, and she did it with such determination that yeah, she Scarletted me off my feet. She doesn't get magic, so if I said one day, 'oh I think the sky's better green,' she'd just sit back and watch me do it. She's got that kind of faith in me, that I know what I'm doing, that I wouldn't use magic unless it was the right thing to do. If anything, she thinks I'm too careful."

"What you heard that night," Willow said, blushing again, "was something I was really hesitant about. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to. We were on the verge of another apocalypse, and when there's that little time left it seems extremely foolish to not take what you can from life ... which probably explains why things between Kennedy and I developed so fast. But I was afraid of losing control. Kennedy grounded me. She wanted me to do what I could without fear that I'd lose myself again. I took her with me when I did the spell with the axe ..."

"So she could bring it back to Buffy when you were finished," Dawn cut in. It was all in the plan to fight the First. "I know that part."

The witch's voice gentled. "That was part of it, yes, but more importantly? I asked Kennedy to be there ... so she could kill me if I turned into Big Bad Magic Willow."

To say Dawn was shocked was putting it lightly. "But th-that's awful!"

Willow just smiled. "I know you don't like Kennedy. And I maybe understand why you resented the two of us being together ... but don't shortchange her, Dawn. Kennedy showed me that life was still possible after Tara. But I will always miss Tara."

The college student fell silent. Then suddenly she latched onto something that Willow had said. "Hang on, you just said you couldn't compare what you had with Tara with what you **had** with Kennedy. Had? Showed?"

"Caught the past tenseness of it, huh?" Willow asked. "It's one of the reasons why I left for England last year. At first, Kennedy and I just needed some space, but in the end there were too many issues. It just didn't work out."

"I'm sorry." To her surprise, Dawn found that she meant it. As much as she'd resented Kennedy for Willow's departure, and for usurping what she thought of as Tara's place, she'd genuinely wanted the redhead to be happy.

"Don't be. We're still good friends. We were simply meant for different paths."

"Now you sound like your book."

"Yeah, who'd have ever thought, huh?" the woman quipped, relieved at the switch in topic. "Author me." Immersed in magic once more, surrounded by the amazing witches of the coven in Devon, with Giles nearby trying to set up the new Council of Watchers, and badly needing a distraction from her troubles with Kennedy, Willow began putting her own thoughts and ideas about the craft together. The resulting work was based, not just on years of accumulated Scooby research, but also on the oral traditions and teachings of the coven, and, of course, on Willow's personal experience with magic.

Dawn rolled her eyes. "Oh come on. Wiccan history and philosophy? Who better to write about that? Oh, and I checked Amazon the other day. It's in the top 100 and climbing; not bad for a book in such a specialized field. The people who left reviews loved it."

The redhead smirked. "You mean, aside from the people who wrote that I was going to hell?"

The girl frowned. "You don't listen to those cretins, do you?"

Willow laughed, touched by the concern. "Hardly. When you've got real vampires, monsters and demons chasing after you, the petty stuff tends to roll off."

"Tell me about it," Dawn agreed. She took a sip of her coffee. "So what're your plans now?"

"Well, you saw some of it. Drop by Sunnydale, visit my parents. Then I thought I'd see how you guys were doing."

"You're coming back?" the girl asked excitedly.

"For a visit, yes," Willow nodded. "Then I'm returning to England for awhile."

Something about the way she said it made Dawn suspicious. "How long's 'awhile'?" she asked.

"I'm not sure," the redhead confessed. "Maybe a year."

The girl nearly spilled her drink. "A year?! But you just got back! I thought you said England was temporary."

"Temporary or well, as it turns out, a little ... longer? It depends." Willow wasn't being evasive. She really hadn't thought it through yet. "Giles asked me to assemble a new library for the new and improved Council of Watchers. We actually started while I was writing the book, but there's still a lot to be done."

"You're thinking of not coming back."

The certainty with which the girl said it surprised Willow. "Maybe," she admitted.

Dawn straightened in her chair. Something in her expression cleared. "I get it. That's why," she said.

"Why what?"

She met Willow's eyes. "Why Tara asked me to go to Sunnydale today. She doesn't want you to go."


	2. Chapter 2

**DAYS OF GRACE**

**By: wyback**

**Rating:** T for now. May rise as the story progresses.  
**Disclaimer:** Buffy the Vampire Slayer and its characters are the creation and property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. I'm just taking them for a short, non-profit spin. The only thing I claim is the story below.  
**Distribution:** So long as the credits are intact, feel free to save a personal copy**. **If you intend to post it, just ask.**  
Feedback:** Yes, please.  
**Spoilers:** Everything.  
**Author's Notes:** This story takes place years after the last season of BtVS, but any references to Willow as she appeared in the Angel series will be pretty vague, if not non-existent. In this story, Willow eventually left the Scoobies (though she kept in touch and often drops by to visit) and traveled pretty widely, returning to the coven in Devon several times. Her last stay there lasted for more than a year.  
**Summary:** Willow returns briefly to the place that was Sunnydale.

**Part 2**

Willow leapt from her chair. "That's not funny, Dawn!"

"I'm not –"

"You don't joke about stuff like that!"

The girl stood up, mainly because the witch looked like she was ready to bolt, and now that Dawn understood why she was here, she was ready to chase after her if need be. "Willow, listen to me, okay? I'm not joking. I told you I was standing outside your door that night. I was so angry that I was on the verge of shoving that door open and I don't know, screaming at you guys. I never told you why I didn't."

"I don't care!"

"Tara stopped me."

Willow stared at her, too stunned to speak. Quickly, Dawn explained.

_"Dawnie, don't."_

_The teenager's eyes went wide as she scrambled away from the door. 'Oh God, it's the First!' she thought, as a familiar blonde witch materialized by her side. "Get away from me!" she nearly screamed._

_The Tara who stood before her seemed in every detail the same as always. "I'm not him, Dawnie, but I don't how to prove that to you." She glanced at the door, and her expression was a strange mixture of sad and determined. "Don't disturb them. Willow…Willow needs this."_

_"You expect me to believe that the real Tara would be okay with this?" Dawn asked in disbelief._

_The older girl favored her with a lopsided smile. "'Okay' is a relative term. Willow has to be strong for what's to come. She has to believe that she can handle this, and she needs to know she can lose control without losing herself." Then her eyes filled with concern. "Oh Dawn, I'm so sorry things are so hard for you right now. But it won't always be like this. Buffy will come back, you'll see…"_

"…then she faded away. That was the first time I saw her."

Willow sank back in her chair, her legs suddenly nerveless. "She knows about me and Kennedy?"

Dawn nodded.

"Oh Goddess." The witch covered her face with her hands. "And you saw her again?"

"I…I've been seeing Tara on and off for years," Dawn confessed quietly. "She says it's easier for her to appear to me, because I…guarded her body?" The last bit came out as a question because she didn't quite understand it herself.

"Because you kept vigil," Willow supplied, suffused with guilt once more. As Tara's lover, it should've been her duty. But first she had left to chase Warren, and then Giles had taken her to England. "Why didn't you tell me?" she asked in a voice full of hurt.

"I'm sorry," the girl said sincerely. "I wanted to, specially when I found out you were leaving. But Tara told me not to, that you needed to find your own way. I never understood that until now." _I had no idea how hard it was for you to move on._ "She really loves you very much."

"Then why won't she show herself to me?" Willow asked in anguish. "Is it…because of the magic? I promised her I was going to be magic-free, then I used it again, and I tried to destroy the world. Or because I…killed someone?"

"No! No, it's not like that." If Dawn had had any doubts about the depth of Willow's love for Tara, it all disappeared in the face of the witch's grief. "She told me she can't. She did something so that the First wouldn't be able to take her form when it appeared to you – she called what he wanted to do an abomination – but in the process it barred her from becoming visible to you, too."

Dawn fell silent, knowing that it was a lot to absorb, maybe too much for any one person to deal with in one sitting, much less in a few minutes. If it had been her, she'd be running off screaming.

But this was Willow. "Is she here?" she finally asked, trying to suppress the eagerness in her voice. "Do you see her right now?"

"No, I don't really see her for more than a few minutes at a time," Dawn explained.

"But you said…last night?" the witch surmised.

"Even shorter than usual." Dawn frowned. "Actually, she seemed distracted last night. She made me promise to go to Sunnydale today. I asked why, but she wasn't too clear. She just said stuff like, 'you have to stop her from leaving' and 'she's the only one who can.' I didn't even know she meant you until I got here. I thought you were still in England."

"That's all? But," Willow thought hard, "that doesn't necessarily mean it's me. She could've meant someone else."

"Willow, who else could it be?" Dawn rolled her eyes. She couldn't believe how dense the normally bright witch was being. "You were the only one who was there. And you're definitely one of those 'only one who can' types."

"Dawn, just because you found me at Sunnydale doesn't mean I'm the only one who was supposed to be there today. It could be a fluke. Besides," the hacker frowned, "even if it's me, we have no idea what I'm supposed to do."

"So what do you suggest we do?"

Willow was already reaching for her keys. "We go back to Sunnydale and find out."

Thankfully, Willow was a much better driver now than when she'd taken Dawn for an impromptu magicky joyride that had ended in disaster. The redhead drove a trifle faster than the girl was strictly comfortable with, but that was probably an after-effect of Dawn's stunning revelations.

Actually, if Dawn had known exactly how jumbled and distracted Willow's mind was at that point, she would've probably jumped out of the car. But she didn't, so it was mostly a quiet ride until they halted at the outskirts of the crater that used to be Sunnydale.

"You see, there's no one else…oh!" Dawn suddenly jumped out of the car and ran towards the crater. She stopped several feet from the edge. "Willow, I think she's here! I can't see her yet but there's a kind of shimmering over there by the center –"

"Dawn, wait!" Willow clutched the girl's arm when she reached her, and pulled her back a few steps. Her eyes became focused, steely.

Dawn gasped. She recognized that look. "What're you doing? No, you can't go dark eyes now! Not in front of Tara!"

"It's not dark magic," the witch reassured her. "But I have to make sure this isn't some kind of trick. Dawn, she started appearing to you when we were fighting the First. You've never touched her, am I right? That means she's incorporeal. So was the First."

"But we dealt with the First! They're all dead and gone, and his army's buried under Sunnydale!" the girl protested.

"As far as we know. There could be vestiges. Or worse. Just because we finished the First, doesn't mean it was the Only."

Dawn shivered at the possibility. "You can tell if it's Tara?"

"I can tell if it's evil," Willow said grimly. She stretched out carefully with the tendrils of her magic and sensed…oh Goddess, there **was** something, a floating presence in front of them that was gaining strength with each second.

And it was moving. From its original place over the crater, the presence drifted to their right. Willow turned to face it, carefully keeping herself between the entity and Dawn. It didn't feel dangerous, but she still wasn't sure.

"Willow, I'm starting to see her now. It's her, it's really Tara, I swear!" Dawn exclaimed. "She's smiling at me…but she doesn't look too happy with you. She's all bright and shiny, and she says she's glad I found you."

Dawn frowned as she listened. "She says there's something's wrong with the seal over the Hellmouth. Some demons are trying very hard to get through, and she's not sure if it can hold. She says she knows a way to strengthen the seal, but she needs our help."

"I know, Dawnie," Willow cut in hoarsely, her mouth dry as the magic she'd sent out coalesced around them. "I can see her, too."

_It's Tara._

Every instinct, every feeling in her gut cried out that it was so. It was followed closely by her wry inner voice – _dummy, did you really think you could handle Tara's re-appearance with any semblance of logic? Knowing the danger, knowing how the First came in the guise of dead people to taunt its enemies – what the frilly heck does any of that matter? When she's here. When she's so beautiful, and everything about her is exactly how you remember…_

_When seeing Tara again is the one wish you've buried in your heart since the day you lost her._

Small wonder that the first sight of the woman she'd loved and lost staggered Willow, brought her to her knees after a single shaky step. She blinked, still not quite believing what was happening, and then her sight was blurring with tears falling and trailing from her green eyes, down her cheeks. As much as she hated the way they obscured Tara, she could no more stop them than halt the rain.

The sight of Willow shook Dawn. Now she understood. Now she believed. _Do you honestly think you miss Tara half as much as I do? You have no idea how it feels!_ Easy words, Dawn had dismissed them. But here was proof. Tara's reappearance in Dawn's life had alarmed her at first, then reassured and comforted her to a degree she would always be thankful for. But as much as she loved Tara, it hadn't affected her like this.

A second of seeing had sent the world's most powerful witch to her knees. Just like that. No wonder Tara had done everything in her power to prevent the First from using her likeness against Willow. Even if it had meant barring herself from Willow, that was still a lesser price to pay than this.

_I didn't imagine it, _Dawn thought in a daze, _their love, that ideal in my mind. It was real._

And Tara – Tara who had always been so calm and collected in Dawn's presence for all of these years – Tara was running forward as she would have in real life. Unable to touch Willow, she knelt down in front of her. All of her concern and love for the redhead shone on her face, there for the whole world to see.

Tara had seen Willow like this before, the day Joyce had died, the day Buffy had died. Only back then, she had been able to offer comfort, had been able to soothe Willow with kisses, had been able to keep Willow on her feet. But now…if there was one moment that Tara truly regretted not being of this plane anymore, it was this.

All she could do was hold Willow with her eyes and her words. "Willow. Shh. Honey, it's alright…"

"Tara," she heard Willow whisper, and the broken, tear-filled way her name fell from those lips wrung her heart a little more. It was the same way Willow had said her name when Joyce had died, and she remembered what had followed. _I can't do this, _the hacker had said_. _Only back then, Tara had taken Willow in her arms and said, _we can do this._

_We can do this. _Like everything they had faced before. _Together._

In the end, she couldn't help it. Tara knew it was impossible, but she had to try. She stretched her hand between them, palm out and straight. And just as she knew she would, Willow slowly did the same.

They did not try to clasp hands, as in a spell. No, this was the flat palm-to-palm of ritual. Of anchoring, the way Tara had anchored the redhead the first time Willow had traveled the Nether Realms. Only this time, Tara wasn't sure who was being the anchor, her or Willow. _Or maybe, somehow, both._

And there was **something**. It wasn't touch, exactly. Tara knew that if either of them pushed, if she tried to curve her fingers around Willow's, their hands would just pass through each other's. But there was a tactile sensation where their palms met. There was warmth, and a current that seemed to pass between them.

She looked deep into Willow's eyes, loving her. _You know me._

_You know __**me**__, _Willow returned. And then, _Oh Goddess, if this is a dream may I never wake._

Tara's lips curved into a smile. _This isn't a dream. And I'm no goddess._

Willow's gaze on her was solemn. _To me you always were. _Then her lips quirked in answer to Tara's impish grin. _In fact, I seem to remember calling you that a number of times…_

_Will-ow! _Tara had no idea how, but she was sure she was blushing.

In the end, it was that easy. They shared a quiet laugh together. And then it was okay to let go, and their hands, still tingling, dropped back into their laps.

"Oh Tara, look at you," Willow said, wiping her eyes with a sleeve. "All beautiful and glowy."

"You can really s-s-see me?" Tara asked. For years she had hovered and watched, but it was an entirely different thing from this, from having Willow's eyes shining on her. She had almost forgotten how wonderful even a look from the redhead could make her feel. If there was such a thing as a nervous shade, at this point she was definitely it. "But I thought I b-b-blocked…oh, it's you, isn't it? Your magic."

The redhead nodded mutely. She saw the flash of misgiving on Tara's face at the mention of magic. _Of course._ The last time they'd seen each other, Willow was recovering from her addiction to dark magic. Funny how such a tiny expression could **hurt**.

"It's not dark magic," Dawn piped in quickly, anxious that this first meeting between the former lovers go well. "Willow's been really good. She turned the potentials into real Slayers. I told you about that, right? Buffy said she's more powerful than the original sorcerers who made the first Slayer. Without her, we'd all be…"

"Yes, I know." Tara met Willow's eyes, and her face lost its tension. "I was so proud of you, Will. To be able to channel that kind of pure magic – it was amazing."

Willow's heart was thudding in her chest. It was all she could do not to lean forward and try to embrace Tara. _Which probably wouldn't work anyway because she's all shimmery and floaty and incorporeal. _She cleared her throat. "So uh you called, and we're here. What's up with the Hellmouth?" She glanced at the crater. "It looks nice and buried."

The blonde's expression darkened. "That's the way it looks, but it's not. The cave-in damaged the seal to the Hellmouth, and there are…things that're trying to break free. So I guess it's good that you've gotten control of your magic, because this is going to take magic. A lot of it," she said bleakly.

Willow swallowed. "Dawn might've exaggerated the whole 'powerful me' thing," she said nervously. "You see, I had this axe. Only it wasn't one of those ordinary axes, it was mystical and meant to be used by Slayers, and well, it turns out that witches could use it, too, for other nifty things. Like spells to help potentials reach their full potential." _I'm babbling. Two minutes in front of Tara and words can't fly out of my mouth fast enough. _"Anyway, I don't have the axe anymore."

Her discomfiture didn't escape Tara, who smiled. "It's not the axe that we need, Willow, it's you. There's a way to re-seal the Hellmouth, but I need your help. And Dawn's too."

"Anything," Willow promised quickly, while the girl behind her nodded.

Tara bit her lip, and suddenly she seemed hesitant and unsure. "To strengthen the seal, you and I need to do a spell, but I can't do it from this plane." She paused as Willow nodded tersely. "But there's a chance. Tonight, for the first time in five hundred years, the right stars will align, and it will be possible for me to…return for awhile. But I can't do it on my own. I need a…door and a –"

"Key," the redhead continued softly. Suddenly, Willow scrambled to her feet. "Dawn, step back," she ordered sharply.

"What?" Dawn asked in surprise.

Tara was looking up at the hacker in confusion. "W-Willow? What's wrong?"

Willow placed herself between the two women. Her eyes, suddenly hard as jade, never left the blonde as she spoke, but her grim words were for Dawn. "I don't think this is Tara."


	3. Chapter 3

**DAYS OF GRACE**

**By: Wye (wyback)**

_Rating_: T for now. May rise as the story progresses.  
_Disclaimer_: Buffy the Vampire Slayer and its characters are the creation and property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. I'm just taking them for a short, non-profit spin. The only thing I claim is the story below.  
_Distribution_: So long as the credits are intact, feel free to save a personal copy. If you intend to post it, just ask.  
_A/N: _Thanks for the feedback! As you know, feedback feeds the muse. :)

**Part 3.**

Tara's eyes were wide with disbelief and hurt. "W-Willow?" She stood up slowly.

"But, but you just said - !" Dawn gasped in shock.

Willow did her best to ignore the stricken look on Tara's face. As much as every fiber in her being wanted - actually told her that this was real, she couldn't ignore the alarms sounding off in her brain.

"I know what I said," she told Dawn bleakly, "but Tara would never ask for this. More than anyone I know, Tara respected the natural cycle of life and death. Remember when you asked about resurrection spells? Do you remember what she said?"

"Witches aren't allowed to alter the fabric of life for selfish reasons. Wiccans took an oath a long time ago..." Dawn trailed off uncertainly, her eyes swiveling to the blonde woman. If Willow was right, who had she been pouring her heart out to all these years?

Steeling herself, Willow slowly turned back to Tara, _to the image of Tara –_ she corrected herself. "Isn't that what you said?"

"Y-yes," Tara admitted, her lips quivering at the unexpected pain of having to defend herself before Willow. "B-but the rule's not absolute. I agreed to b-bend it f-f-for Buffy," she reminded them.

Willow winced at the way the blonde witch hung her head and how badly she was stuttering. _Still easy signs to read._ "Tara," she relented, "if this is really you, I'm sorry. But please understand, we've been through so much. If it was just me, I'd –" she cut herself off sharply, "-but I won't let anyone hurt Dawn."

After a moment, Tara nodded. Willow and she had watched over Dawn for a long time, were even her guardians during the stark, bare months of Buffy's death. Both of them would go to great lengths to protect her.

"The r-rule doesn't apply," she began to explain. "We're n-not doing this for selfish reasons, and we're not altering m-my...what happened. The effects of the spell are temporary. It will anchor my essence to this plane for t-two weeks, maybe more, but in the end I w-would have to go back because..."

"...you don't belong here anymore." This time it was Willow who looked stricken as she finished the witch's sentence.

"I'm sorry," Tara said softly.

"Don't be," the redhead hastened to reassure her. "You're in a good place, right? I mean, where you are when you're not checking on Dawn...you're happy?"

"Oh yes." Suddenly, Tara's blue eyes were practically dancing. "One day, Will, when it's time, I'll show you the Summerland. It's peaceful and so beautiful, you won't believe it."

Willow shifted uneasily under her former lover's radiant gaze. With the blood on her hands, it was unlikely that she would ever see the Summerland. But there was no need to burden Tara with that.

She cleared her throat. Tara's answers had soothed her doubts away, and now that she was free to believe her instincts, Willow was in danger of being overwhelmed by her former lover's appearance all over again. _Gods, that smile, that face and figure, blonde and curvy and tall_ – all of these were exactly as she remembered them, but more importantly the vision felt like Tara. "Baby, I'm so sorry..."

"Don't be," it was Tara's turn to say. Impulsively, her lips quirked into a lopsided smile. "You can always make it up to me later," she murmured. Her smile grew as Willow's eyes widened.

"Um, I, er, o-of course!"

Dawn threw a curious glance at the stuttering redhead, which only made the woman flush more. _Okay, so not going there. _"So, this anchoring spell. How come you never told me about it?" she asked Tara.

"I do believe in the natural cycle of life and death, Dawn," Tara said. From the corner of her eye, she noticed the flash of anger on Willow's face. Apparently, the redhead had a lot to say about the 'naturalness' of her passing. "I w-wouldn't ask for a spell like this if I wasn't convinced it was the only way. I only found out about the seal a few hours - days ago?" She stumbled, unable to explain how differently time flowed between this plane and the next. "Even if I'd told you earlier, the spell only works if the stars align in the way they will tonight."

Oddly, Willow had gone still at the mention of stars. She closed her eyes, took deep breaths, and after awhile she began to mumble. "Oh Virgo, and Sirius is reappearing, and the stars associated with Nut, oh and those two constellations. I never noticed those before." When she opened he eyes again, she simply said, "Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow what?" Tara and Dawn were looking at her in confusion.

"They'll be aligned tonight and tomorrow," Willow answered brightly, all supporto-gal again. "That means we have time; we don't need to rush this. Which is good because I can prepare, and Dawn's going to need a little preparation, too."

"Tonight and tomorrow?" Tara repeated faintly, staring at her former lover in astonishment. "You can feel the stars?"

The redhead shrugged, looking embarrassed. Near the end of her first trip to England, Willow had developed a sense for the root systems that branched throughout the earth. That was how she'd sensed the First trying to break through the Hellmouth. Over the years, that talent had somewhat ... expanded.

"Only if I pay attention," she said defensively. "Otherwise, just in a general way like, 'it's gonna be a good day' or 'it's not too auspicious today' or 'the world's gonna try to end again.' But the last one's easy `coz it's all attention-grabby." Suddenly another thought intruded. "Um, we don't need Osiris for this, do we? 'Coz Osiris? Not too happy with me."

"I don't think so. The important stars are the ones associated with Nut, like you said, so it's really her that we need." A crinkle appeared on Tara's forehead. "What do you mean Osiris isn't happy with you?"

Thankfully, Dawn interrupted. "What do nuts have to do with getting you back?" she asked in bewilderment.

Willow jumped at the welcome distraction. "Not nuts, finger food snacks. Nut, Egyptian sky goddess, usually depicted in a blue dress adorned with stars and holding an ankh. She's associated with death, afterlife, resurrection and rebirth. She's also Osiris' mother." _Which is good, because Osiris probably won't obstruct a rite involving his own mother. I hope. _"We're going to need a round water pot."

The girl threw out her hands. "Again with the what?"

"She's referring to the d-drawings," Tara explained this time, though her eyes didn't stray too long from the redhead. _Goddess, she never ceases to amaze me. _ "Nut was drawn as a woman carrying a round water pot on her head. The ancient Egyptians associated water with birthing, bringing things to life."

"Oh." Dawn said, though she still didn't get it all. "So, me. I mean, what do you need from me?" she asked timidly.

Tara sensed the girl's nervousness immediately. "Sweetie, if you don't want to do this, you don't have to."

"I want to," Dawn assured her quickly. "If it will bring you back, even for awhile, I definitely want to. I just, I have no idea what to do."

Willow hesitantly laid a gentle hand on the girl's arm. "Sweetie, Tara needs a way into this plane and a place to stay. But before she can do any of that, she needs to...open a door first, between where she is and where we are."

"But she's already here, isn't she?" It wasn't a protest. Dawn just wanted to understand.

"Not really," Tara demurred. "What you're seeing right now is more like a reflection or a s-shadow."

"To bring her through, we need a key," Willow explained as gently as possible, knowing how much any mention of her non-human origins tended to upset Dawn. "That power is still in you, in your blood. But Tara's right, we're only going to do this if you want to. If you don't, we'll find another way."

"But this is our best chance, right?" There was barely a second of hesitation. "Let's do it," Dawn said decisively.

Willow hugged her. She couldn't help it, she felt like she would burst with pride. Over Dawn's shoulder, she traded glances with Tara, who looked like she wished she could join in. _Our girl is so brave. _The other witch smiled.

Dawn returned the hug. It felt good. It felt like the years of estrangement between her and Willow were fading away. She was amazed at how simple it was. Just like that, she had her other big sister back. And if things worked out, she'd have Tara again too, and her family would be complete. Even if it was just for awhile, it was something to look forward to.

"I have to go," Tara said softly, hating the way her words broke the embrace between the two women. But she had already stayed longer than she'd ever had before, and she could feel the pull of the other world growing stronger. "I'll be back...tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow," Willow confirmed eagerly. "Do we have to do it here?" she frowned, not liking the idea of doing the spell so close to a possibly unstable Hellmouth.

"No, anywhere is fine," Tara assured her.

"Then we'll do it at my place. Well, my aunt's place, really." The redhead halted as another complication struck her. "Will you be able to find us? I can probably give you directions..."

Tara smiled, even as she was fading away. "I always know where you are, Willow."

* * *

"Feeling okay?" Willow walked into the living room with a tray loaded with two warm cups of tea. It was nighttime, and she thought the herbal teas might help both of them unwind. "How'd Buffy take it?"

Dawn took one of the mugs gratefully. "You mean after she was sure I wasn't joking? Pretty good, actually. She's almost as excited as we are. Xander, too. They're just ticked that they can't come right away."

"Vampire?" the hacker inquired, taking a seat.

The girl rolled her eyes. "Try 'nest of.' A bunch of them decided to form a gang. We've been tracking them for weeks. Buffy thinks they're finally close to finding them, so they can't leave now. She asked if we needed slayer help. She says she can reach the others if we do."

Willow thought about it. "I don't think so. It's a difficult spell, but pretty straightforward otherwise. It either works or it doesn't."

"Do you think it will? Work?" the girl clarified.

"I hope so," was the fervent answer. "Goes without saying that I'm going to give it my best shot."

"And if it doesn't?"

"Then we find some other way to re-seal the Hellmouth."

"Willow, that's not what I mean."

"I know." The witch rubbed her eyes tiredly. She'd spent most of the hours since they'd gotten back researching. What they were going to do tomorrow was much more complicated than what the Scoobies had done for Buffy. Tara had been dead for years, her remains obliterated in the destruction of Sunnydale. Strictly speaking, this wasn't a resurrection so much as it was a rebirth.

She glanced at Dawn, and knew that at that moment they were both remembering the way Buffy was when she'd returned. The Slayer had barely spoken the first day of her resurrection, and there had been some doubt in the beginning as to whether she hadn't been...damaged somehow. Plus there had been that piggybacking demon.

"It's not going to be like that," Willow spoke up with fierce determination. "Tara's returning of her own free will, and only for a short time. She's going to wake up here, in a house, on a bed, in a room softly lit by candles. And the first thing she'll see is the two of us. She'll be fine." _And if she's not? You know how chancy these things are now. It's not like before, when you were blissfully ignorant. Goddess, no wonder Giles wanted to tan my hide. I'd tan my hide, when I think of the risks we took. If I'd faltered in those tests..._

She was snapped out of her reverie by Dawn's hand on her arm. "I believe you," the younger woman said seriously. "I know you'll do everything to make sure Tara's alright. But...what about after?"

"What do you mean?"

"You still love her, don't you? And it's obvious that she still loves you. Are you...?" The brunette trailed off, not exactly sure how to phrase the question.

Willow put her mug down. "Dawn, it's not like Tara and I can just pick up where we left off."

"Why not?"

"She's not going to be here long, for one thing. This is temporary, remember?" the hacker reminded her bleakly. "Besides, that might not be what she wants."

"Oh come on! You saw how she was, how she ran to you."

"And did you see how I almost made her cry, with my doubts and my being all question-y?" Willow took a deep breath. "Does she know, Dawn? About how I lost it and nearly ended the world? I went over everything she said, and it sounded like she only started watching us when we were fighting the First."

"I-I'm not sure," Dawn answered, thinking hard. "We never really talked about it. She first appeared to me back then, like I said. But that first time, she said you needed to know that you could lose control without losing yourself. I think that means that she knows."

"It sounds like she does," Willow agreed sadly, and yet she also felt a great sense of relief. _If Tara knows, and she still wants me to do this spell...doesn't that mean that she trusts me? _Suddenly, Willow's heart was beating really fast.

"Personally, I think it's good if she does." Dawn stifled a yawn. "I think I'm going to sleep now, unless you want to talk about what we're going to do tomorrow?" She stretched, and winced. "That's definitely the last cross-country bus ride I'm taking for awhile."

"Leave it, I'll fix up," Willow offered as the girl moved to take her cup. "We can talk about the spell tomorrow. I made up the spare bedroom for you. Bathroom's right next to it."

Dawn nodded her thanks and went up the stairs, leaving Willow alone with her thoughts.

Willow looked deep into the contents of her mug. _I can't think of it this way. I shouldn't. Even if the spell works, she's going back to the Summerland. This is not a second or third chance with Tara. Get that idea out of your head right now, Rosenberg, _she scolded herself_. You can't fall in love and lose her all over again. Not if you want to stay sane. Not if you want the world to be safe._

With a look of resolve, Willow stood up and gathered the cups. If they were going to be as prepared as they could possibly be, more research needed to be done.


End file.
